Mmm.. Melancholy..

yay, nocturnal. so MUCH has been happening

but really. it's been sleep, eat, sleep, etc.

well, i say it's been sleep. that's only during the daytime. so it is for this reason that i tend to be still awake at around 4 AM, flicking through the various music channels, and doodling, or whatever. i say various music channels, but past half one, most of them become cashcall or whatever it's called, so i am left with MTV2, VH2, and Scuzz. which isn't too bad, but it does mean there are points where i have to listen to bad music, or semi-alright music which i never wanted to listen to and because i am forced to do so, now hate. Angels and Airwaves is not good. neither is the new muse song. and lets not even talk about that placebo song. and stuff like this is on ALL THREE of these channels. usually just after one song ends, it's played on one of the other channels, on a constant loop, tormenting me.

however, i do get to come across some good music. there was 'Monster' from the automatic, which is also played on pretty much all the channels, but there are some rare ones that you only see once or twice, such as "I ain't losing any sleep" by the sunshine underground, "girlshapedlovedrug" by gomez, and "made up love song #43" by the guillemots. not to mention the new one by taking back sunday and the tune by forgive durden. so it's not all bad.

luckily i am doing something tomorrow. well, hanging out with people. we probably won't end up doing much. unfortunately, this does mean i have to wake up. and we're not talking 3 PM here. sucks to be me.

You are red, violent red

Ugh. Parents. They can be so inconsiderate at times.

I mean, waking me up! That’s just entirely unnecessary! Even at half four!

And then telling me to get dressed! It’s just terrible. Crazy people.

I realise I am being slightly unreasonable here, but I ALSO realise that there is no real reason for my dad to shout me out of bed (however late) and tell me to get dressed. Neither of us will gain anything from me being awake, mumbling, and taking over the TV because the computer is in use. And not just us two, but no one else is going to gain any more benefit from it than they would by me staying in bed. I’d get up eventually.

Probably anyway.

it'd help if I had any reason to get up, but as I don't, I’ll stay in bed as long as a I damn well please.

Anyhow, I had my English Lit exam yesterday. It went ok (well, I think it did anyway) and even the Browning essay wasn't too bad, but I think I might've ranted a little in the Heart of Darkness one about the evils of colonialism. curse my liberal tendencies! since I based that whole essay around the idea of colonialism (and Toby was aparantly talking about Conrad being a racist) I don't think that's too bad.

Even the Shakespeare one went ok. and it was SHAKESPEARE. So i think i win that one.

damn pathetic fallacy...

Is the weather affecting my mood, or is my mood affecting the weather?

anyway, I've mostly been bored since sunday. my parents came back from ireland, but mostly i've been lazing around, with nothing to do, and without enough energy to organise doing anything: so when simon asked if i wanted to go round his for an evening of gaming i said.. yes.. well, yeah. so me, ellis, and andy hurlbatt went to simons, and there was lots of halo. it was quite fun too, because after all it was simon, so the conversations tended to be interesting. the halo was fun too, even though i am significantly worse at it than simon, ellis and andy (i'd get about 30.. simon would get about 150, and andy and ellis would get about 100 each..) but it was still fun, and since it was teams with me and simon versus ellis and andy, the team scores tended to be only about 30 or 40 apart, mainly because of simon. had he a competent team-mate, he could've probably won every game. didn't really help that andy and ellis COULD work as a team, and me and simon only tried to do so occasionally. (we had a suicide race at one point. don't ask)

Me (to ellis) "You suck"
Ellis "balls... wait.. "

heh. also, at about half four, simon sent a text round, quite possibly to everyone in his address book, including me, ellis and andy:

"Haha! Andy got a splinter! Also Ellis SERIOUSLY stinks. Rory claims that he's not gay. Tata for now!"

then, some sleeping occurred, and people woke up eventually. there was more halo, and people singing "Get a grip on yourself" in an extremely dodgy but amusing manner.. which reminds me, that's a good song, so listen to it.. it has an amusement value similar to 'king for a day'.. (hmm.. i should listen to that again..)

anyway, yeah. things. then it was a sunny day today, and I was in a good mood again. and APARANTLY, It's going to rain tomorrow, and I have an exam. the weather is so my bitch.

anyway (again) I took advantage of the temporarily good weather, and went for a walk. I also mowed the lawn, but that wasn't exactly something i chose to do.

I AM BECOME DEATH

I So Hate Consequences

So, I haven't posted in a week. But things have happened. What sort of things?

well, there was that one exam. and those two hangovers, one before said exam, one after said exam. I would just like to point out that hangovers do not just happen of their own accord, which might go towards explaining other things that happened throughout the week, which I'm not going to talk about, because I'm just not.

Not gonna talk about the exam either. Or the hangovers, which, understandably, weren't incredibly pleasant.

I do realise what a cliché it is, but I'm going to say it anyway.

I may never drink again.

Okay, so anyone reading this will know, as do I, that what I just said is going to wind up becoming a lie. Perhaps I will manage to drink less though, considering that everytime alcohol has been available, I've been getting drunker and drunker, and the hangovers have been worse and worse. not to mention the permanent regrets, and similar. the last two times (yes, during this week) I threw up, copiously the first time, and worryingly, I can't remember the actual act the more recent time, and am only assuming I did based on the observations of others, and the memory that I felt like I WOULD throw up.. Not the actual memory of throwing up

Only time will tell what happens. unless, of course, it's horrific, and as a result I keep it bottled up and never ever tell anyone about it. ever.

If I didn't care so much, I'd call it apathy

I feel weird.

well, weirder than usual.

the prospect of exams is not helping this.

Land of the.. headache?

Meh. I'm bored, and at an odd computer, with the weirdest set up.. the keyboard and mouse are wireless, which isnt a problem, but the screen is, for some reason, over a bed. and attached to the wall, with the chair NEXT to the bed, but said chair being too far away for me to see without my glasses, which are conveniently in another country.

so i'm sitting on the bed, looking at the screen sideways, with the keyboard on my lap. comfortable. it works. just about. i can't get any work done though, because its not MY computer.. and i so need to get work done..

I also miss a bunch of other stuff about home, and i've only been away for two days now. i miss proper tea.. everyone in ireland drinks weird tea brands. and it doesn't help that the water's completely different anyway (so even with the same brand of tea.. i'd be screwed) and.. just.. meh. i've been drinking some, but obviously because it's with relatives around, not too much.

mostly, i've just been bored. most of my cousins are too young to be of any interest, andthe ones that ARE old enough to warrant talking to are older than me. by a year (well, at least a year. more in most cases). this wouldn't be a problem if i wasn't 17, but as it is, everyone else is able to by alcohol, and my age just becomes a pain in the ass (as oposed to normally.. when it's not, of course..)

well, maybe i'll find something to do later. and maybe, just maybe, Dr Bond will turn into a large rubber chicken.

it could happen.

Lick the hand that feeds you and kiss the blade that cuts

Today didn't look terribly promising.. and it wasn't, overly. ok, so computing was cancelled (erm. well. cancelled enough) but it was spent, as i said to someone earlier, doing what i do best. which is nothing. or more specifically, procrastinating, but it amounts to the same thing.

History was a megauberfuntacular essay. wait no, thats not the right word. the right word would be 'boring'. yes, history was a boring essay. that sounds more accurate.

break occurred. nothing occurred at break, however, which was extremely boring, and was followed by a relatively effortless english lesson. i didn't get in trouble for not having the essay. well, i say trouble.. i never get in real trouble anyway, i just get told off. but even that didn't happen, so i figure i win.

and then there was another boring thing, in the form of our second and final young enterprise exam. i hope i won't get penalized for.. "embellishing the truth" or i'm screwed. which, if you listen to alex, (which you shouldn't) means i'd be having a screw thrown at me.

finally got a bit of work done on my computing. seeing as i'm ireland bound tomorrow, till monday, it's entirely possible i'm, yet again, screwed. feh. Que sera, sera..

Alas the weapon sex can be

I need a week of sleep. unfortunately, i have too much work to do. theoretically, because we go on study leave in just over a week.. we should be winding up, and the only work we should have should be revision. alas, for some reason, the powers that be have decided that this should not be so. which sucks so much ass it's not even funny.

apart from general bleh it was a usual wednesday. i got told off in history, and there was an essay in comms, and break was.. well, break. unfortunately it transpired that i was not, in fact, supposed to have period 5 free, and so at the end of the period went for a very brief interview with mrs appleby, before computing was pretty much wasted with Dr bond telling us something i didn't pay any attention to.

and then lunch happened, and i bought the head automatica album, decadence. it is pretty damn good, and thats probably the highest form of compliment i can give. so woo.
'games' went pretty slowly, and wasn't spent doing games, because that sort of thing is far too much like moving around, which we should already have established, isn't the sort of thing i do. ever.

well, okay, maybe once. but i vowed never again! or something similar..

japanese was a little slow as well, with some practice reading/writing exam things, and.. yeah. i might as well link to this. you don't need to play FFXI to get it.. some of the stuff is pure genius. and.. well.. feeding people to dragons! what more do you need, eh?

Incomprehensible Revelations

Back to the grindstone today. well, for most people. i'm only SUPPOSED to be back at the grindstone. i'm sort of ignoring it. i find myself wondering, and not for the first time (i can probably mention about five more times. and thats only last week) why the hell i stayed awake for a large portion of the night/morning instead of sleeping. not only that, but why i did this to read a book.

a book i started when i went to bed. maybe i'm subliminally a masochist. or, i just hate my future self/selves. well, i already knew that. livers don't try and poison themselves, you know.

in other news, today seemed to be Exceptionally Disturbing Conversation day. now on your average day, there would usually be one or two disturbing conversations (if you count the whole of lunchtime as only one conversation, anyway) and i would find myself wishing i was somewhere else. or someone else. or both, and drunk along with it.

anyway, because i was bored in comms (and because one of said disturbing conversations had just taken place) i wrote down the general subjects of the ones i could remember. and who we'll call the antagonists of such conversations. who, in many cases, should be shot. it's only humane. for eveyone else, anyway.

the first came along period 3, when very few people around, compared to normally anyway. Theo started talking to me and dave about hundreds and thousands. and.. cunnilingus. and a combination of the two. no enough said, but in fact, far too much.

later the same period, but after more people showed up, the topic turned to cinemas. i'm not going to say anymore, even though it SOUNDS innocent enough. this has been a recurring theme lately. it appears from my point of view to mainly be alex's fault. as per usual.

there were probably more conversations of this nature at lunch, but my brain tends to shut off around donna and alan. for it's own safety. as long as i have coke at the time, i tend to be perfectly happy with this arrangement, so it doesn't overly matter.

and then comms, near the end, provided a trainwreck of a conversation involving gillis and tang. I have written on my pad here "Mr Men + Utilitarianism + Gang Rape + Necrophilia" i'm just not going to say anymore.

M'Aidez

Bank holiday weekend, huh. probably should have got some work done (I should probably stop saying that, because otherwise i could just say it all the time) anyway, considering i haven't done any work, it could probably be considered odd that i didn't really do anything else either. but whatever.

i think i had a point to this post, but i've largely forgotten it. soo... yeah.

~ one two, fuck you! don't tell me what to do! ~

ah. such poetry :p